How to overcome your fear of failure: we suffer more often in imagination than in reality

We have all experienced, for better or for worse, some kind of failure in our lives. The work failure of being fired, the romantic failure of being dumped, or the school failure of... failing. We have all encountered some of these examples in our life, and we tend to blame ourselves for the failure.

Failure is temporary and changeable. Failure means you are at least trying to step out of your comfort zone and experiencing new adventures and opportunities. Failure means you are a step closer to achieving your goal, by learning from your mistakes. If you look it from another perspective, failure is an achievement.

For example, Michael Jordan, considered as one of the best basketball players in history, was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he was good enough.

We are going to face failure. There are going to be challenges in front of us, doors will get slammed in our faces. However, imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to be a professional basketball player. What kind of one lifetime opportunity would have he missed.

Mistakes happen, that's what makes us humans. It is our choice to decide how we interpret them.

Here are 5 tips on how to overcome your fear of failure and interpret them as learning and achievement.

Create a "fear list"

Tim Ferriss, an American entrepreneur, recommends to create a "fear list" writing down what you are afraid to do and what you fear will happen if you do so. In his Ted Talk, Tim talks about how this "fear setting" helps you to take action on some of his biggest challenges, that later on became his major successes.

1. On one page, make three columns and label them "Define", "Prevent" and "Repair"

   • In column one, define everything you're afraid to do (e.g., quit your job, failing a high school exam, etc)

   • In column two, list ways if which you could reduce the possibility of the scenario to happen

   • In column three, list ways you could repair the damage if you actually take action

   • Assess the impact of these scenarios on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being minimal impact, and 10 being permanently life-altering in a significant way)

"What if"

What if you fail? What if you get fired? What if? Well, you might have more time to focus on your hobbies, or to learn from your mistakes and study harder for future exams.

Choose to answer your questions with "what if", to get over the fear and failure, and have the courage to confront the action. What would happen and what can I do to cope with it?

For example, what if I get fired? You lower your expenses, you seek for another job, and ask family and friends for connections and opportunities.

The "what if" makes the situation less scary, by actually viewing what's going to happen next and how to cope with it.

Set goals during the process, not the final outcome (Learn, then remove the L)

Don't focus on getting your dream job in 2 months, rather make at least 100 connections on LinkedIn and attend (virtually) at least 4 workshops or corporate events.

If you can't accomplish your goals, aims for smaller steps. Take online courses, make connections, experience different opportunities that will expand your knowledge. Don't aim for the final outcome, aim for experiences, opportunities. Focus on learning, and then the earning will come. With experience, you will never go wrong.

Regret is worse than failure

At least you tried, and tried again until you failed. Remember, failure is fleeting, it is temporary. Failure is seen as growth and as achievement. At least you came out of your comfort zone and challenged your fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Regret lasts way longer, and feels much worse. Not doing something because of what might happen can haunt you for a very long time, and at the end of the day, there was no learning, no growth and no satisfaction.

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Feel the fear and do it anyway. Remember, you must fail to learn success. Don't quit trying things just because of fear. Come out of your comfort zone, learn and grow.

ps: better an oops than a what if

XoXo

Sofia's Choice

Ambition, M., 2021. Fear Setting: The Step-by-Step Exercise Tim Ferriss Uses to Conquer Fear. [online] Mindful Ambition. Available at: <https://mindfulambition.net/fear-setting-tim-ferriss/>

Psychology Today. 2021. 10 Signs That You Might Have Fear of Failure. [online] Available at: <https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure>